Archives for: March 2007

"Ticking? That means it must have a timer. What you've got to do is stop it."

Champion.

Thank goodness the start of the Formula 1 season is approaching. I don't know how I manage to survive the winter months. To keep myself sane I have to look at the circuits on Google Maps.

Maybe it's my age, but the greats, the characters seem to be retiring, or moving to other series. Still, it could be an interesting season. With so many key drivers switching team, it's difficult to say who could win the championship.

I'll not be answering the telephone, or going out on the following weekends:

Melbourne, Australia, 18 March

Sepang, Malaysia, 8 April

Sakhir, Bahrain, 15 April

Circuit de Catalunya, Spain, 13 May

Monte Carlo, Monaco, 25 May
If I was stunningly, stunningly rich then I would not watch this race from a small, dim flat in Edinburgh.

Whether deliberate, or accidental, Michael Schumacher's parking of his car during qualifying in 2006 gave a bitter note to his final season. Perhaps he'd even have won the championship if he hadn't attracted the punishment and been sent to the back of the grid.

Montreal, Canada, 10 June
However, I'm not stunningly, stunningly rich.

Indianapolis, USA, 17 June

Magny-Cours, France, 1 July

SilverstoneGreat Britain, 8 July

Nurburgring, Germany, 22 July

Hungaroring, Hungary, 5 August

Instanbul, Turkey, 26 August

Monza, Italy, 9 September

Spa-Francorchamps, Belgium, 16 September
Spa's back! I'd love to visit Monaco during a Grand Prix weekend, but if I had to choose one favourite spot on one racetrack then it would have to be Eau Rouge.

Fuji Speedway, Japan, 30 September
Such a shame that it won't be at Suzuka.

Shanghai, China, 7 October

Interlagos, Brazil, 21 October

Reported by the Evening News as a web hit, a time lapse movie of Edinburgh, Koya Moments seems more interesting as a demonstration of the dynamic nature of water vapour. Maybe that is Edinburgh. I take my hat off to the dedication of Ewen Meldrum, the man who filmed it, but I recommend you watch it with the sound off.

When Batman and Robin aren't engaged in homoerotic banter they sit wearing headphones. There are three options if you need to talk to them. Shouting is the most obvious and the least, internally, rewarding. Sure, they respond to the shouts, but ... it just doesn't satisfy.

If I know the answer that I want then I'll pause after asking a question and then answer myself, "I'll take that as an affirmative."

Again, it's not satisfying, but it does allow me to take actions I want rather than actions that I know are correct.

"Hey, I asked you!"

If I don't give a damn about the answer, but I want to demonstrate that I think we should be communicating then I'll raise my hand. Ask the question, get no response, raise my hand and stare at the person.

"Permission to speak, sir."

Batman wasn't in today, so Robin sat at his desk, headphones on, and foot tapping ... something.

"WAN FAR THAY MAHNAY!"

Cool. I'm sure whoever original performed whatever it is you're ... um ... singing ... I'm sure whoever originally performed whatever it is you're singing must be terrified. That, or they're just as angry as I am.

An e-mail arrived from one of the partners. Attachments, but no explanation other than, "Robin said forward these to you."

"Robin, why's Shug sent me these files?"

Robin's foot thudded out thud, thud, thud on the floor.

"Is there a problem?"

Thud, thud, thud.

"Okay, I'll take it that means there isn't."

Thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, but there's a problem and the problem is that the problem's on my desk. I raised my hand and stared at Robin.

A few moments later he pulled off his headphones and shouted out, "WHAT?"

"Permission to speak, sir."